Archive for the 'The Irony' category
September 24, 2008 10:24 pm
Maybe to much, maybe not enough, but that we complain about Second Life is a given fact. We complain about the inventory loss, the downtime, a low framerate, high resolution snapshots not working, … . And if all that is solved, we find other things to complain about: people are to shallow, SL is full of griefers, we don’t like our neighbours, there’s to much sex in-world, or… not enough. Human nature is to always find something to complain about.
But after testing a abundance of other so called ‘virtual worlds’ or part-of-the-metaverse-wannabies, I still have not discovered one that’s actually better than Second Life. Less buggier, more freedom, more options, less heavy, fewer crashes, friendlier folks, more fascinating locations? Nope! So, I guess, for now, we should stop complaining, and make the best out of our Second Lives? No irony here! ;)
Oh, the tons of ‘loading’ prims is a bug actually encountered when trying ‘Just Leap In‘. It took me 2 hours to rezz that pile of ‘loading’ blocks, and the room still did not appear. I gave up for that night!
I assume you’ve heard them all by now: ‘Ah, an avatar, that’s like playing with Barbie dolls right, dressing them up and having virtual sex?‘, ‘Geeh. That’s not real. You just want to look perfect as you _majorly_ suck in doing the First Life.‘ ‘Dimensions are nowhere near normal on your avatar. Really, this is just not possible in the real world. Get a life!‘ Etcetera, and so forth plus some other not very well though about crap.
And I also assume you all agree that kind of commentaries suck bigtime. So to all you humans out there, read this, and please realise that looking good in Second Life takes as much effort as it does in First Life. To all you fellow Second Life residents, I hope this helps to get some sense in those ignorant humans! ;)
Update: I should not have written a complaining letter to the Linden Gods, but a thank you letter to Nicholaz God. Apparently he has already fixed this issue in one of the versions of the ‘Nicholaz Edition’ of our Second Life client, dated december 2007. So Dear Lindens, nevermind my quick reference guide, just take a look at Mr. Beresford’s code.
Dear Linden Deities,
When I was still young and foolish, I grabbed to a quote from the Devil’s Advocate, as it concerned ‘god stuff’ and our world being one fucked up place:
‘Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does he do, I swear for his own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, he sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. Ahaha. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He’s laughin’ his sick, fuckin’ ass off. He’s a tight-ass. He’s a sadist. He’s an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never.‘
Now that I’m 1 year old and wise, I know better than this. I cherish the thought of Linden Gods that are kind, loving and want what’s best for their residents. That is why I refuse to believe, that ‘attachments stuck in ass’ is just a psycho crazy prank you Gods are pulling on us, Second Life Residents.
I understand things there over at the lab must be hectic, and you did not have the time to take a look at this long time pain in the butt - if I may say so - attachment positioning euhm… feature. I know you’re busy being better then WoW, working on communicating more towards your Residents, checking banking licenses, making Second Life better scalable and all the other stuff that Lindens do. Time may lack to make some internal documentation as it comes to attachment positioning.
So I took the liberty to help you Gods a bit, and make a quick reference guide on positioning prim attachments to hand out to you - praised, rest assure of that - Lindens. It is only one page, but because I took the liberty - again - to include some examples, I am sure this will help to make clear where prim attachments do not belong.
Larger size here under CC license on Flickr. Even larger size needed? For instance, for printing it and hanging it above a Linden’s desk? Do ask Vint! ;)
From practical testing in the virtual field, I came to a strange conclusion, which I proudly named ‘Vint’s 1st Attachment Law’. You will be surprised to hear it! It goes as follows:
We may safely assume, that the nature of a prim attachment is such, that it never belongs ‘up the ass’. For the few exceptions on this rule that do exist, we trust the Residents to - if needed - put the prim attachments on that certain place themselves.
Strange, no? Whom could ever have guessed this! I’m sure that this law, together with the fine examples as to where to put hair, shoes, pussy and ears, will make prim attachments positioning stuff a lot clearer to the Linden Gods that are responsible for this part of our world.
There is also Vint’s 2nd Attachment Law, although that one does not matter to you, Gods, that much, so I did not include it on the reference guide: If one wishes to rezz a prim attachment to a certain attachment spot, that specific attachment spot will always be already occupied. I need to fine tune this one a bit more, but need to brush up on my quantum mechanics first.
There was going to be a second reference guide, called ‘a quick reference guide to prim attachments that do belong up the ass’, but all drafs I made for that one, were refused by the VintLabs CEO for being NSFW. I am very sorry I can not make you a clear reference guide for this.
I hope by sharing this knowledge with you Linden Gods, I have taken some of the heavy burden of developing our virtual world of your godly shoulders.
Yours in worship,
Iridium Linden to Gavin Leigh:
‘Or perhaps you can make the breast without so much detail.‘
I wonder if someone ever said that Botticelli when looking at his ‘Venus’. Or about Michelangelo’s David. The latter - with private parts rather exposed - is to been seen on a very public, PG sim in Firenze. Teachers take their students there to see it. Parents take their kids there. Two nipples and a dick. On the market square, in Firenze. And we can’t even have artistic, statue-nipples on a grid where everybody is over 18?!
I agree with Laetizia and Dandellion on this one:
I demand an official apology on the Second Life blog, containing the words overzealous, overstepped, clear and boundary. I demand that the statue be allowed to stand on the intended spot, in her full nude glory, with a notecard giver next to it to give out the full text of said blog.
Although I would rephrase it a bit to: ‘For once dear Lindens, admit you have fucked up!’ How on
the grid earth do you expect business people to take us, the residents of Second Life, serious if you think we can’t even handle seeing an exposed nipple? *scratches behind her ears*
Update: VintLabs just released some freebie Nipplegate activism clothing. ;)
Up to now, I blamed the photographers. Or the Second Life client. And the graphic cards. But after seeing him ‘in
person avatar’ at SL4B I now realise: Philip Linden’s hair is butt ugly. Yes, I know, it is not prim hair. So it will never actually end up in his butt. But it’s still ugly as hell. So, as the Second Life community, let us all help Phil, shall we? Do you have free hair coupons? Send them to Philip! Do own have a prim hair shop? Do invite Phil over! If you do not have any of those, you can still just rezz him a plywood box to hide his head in…
Now, I gave it a shot to look at which new hairstyle would suit Philip Linden best. What do you think? (click it for a bigger version)
If you do not like my suggestion, or think you can do better, feel free to experiment with Philip Linden’s hairdon’t yourself. You can use any of these two pictures of Philip Linden below. For the make over, I myself used a free account at makeoversolutions.com, but there are tons of other sites and programs that let you experiment with hair and make up on a photograph.
Geeh… Overexposed skies… I just hate it when that happens! ;)
PS. Does anybody else has this feeling: now that our skies are ‘real’ the ‘grid minus skies’ (read: everything else) suddenly looks that surreal?
Let’s see if I get this right: I may murder little innocent children, but I may not sleep with them?!
Before you state I’m obviously sick: I like my avies male and grown up, thank you. Anybody that uploads, shares, sells, … FL child porn in Second Life should be removed from the grid without even a second thought. But ‘our investigations revealed the users behind these avatars to be a 54-year-old man and a 27-year-old woman‘. Those person’s avatars were having SLex. That’s all. No proof at all that they were responsible for spreading the first life child porn found. Then why remove them from the grid? Because a TV station decided to make - yet again - an issue of sex in Second Life? I’ll bet my meta-ass over the fact that that german TV crew did not ‘by accident’ stumble over those two avies having sex. They went actively looking for it, just to get a shocking story.
Sex with animals isn’t allowed in FL neither (although I’m not sure about all US states *grins*), yet relationships between furries and human avatars are endulged. Will that be punishable too when PETA starts to complain? On the grid we may murder and rape and do to war captives as we please. Any avie brought before the war tribunal at The Hague already? The thirteenth amendment prohibits slavery, so let’s kick all slavetraders off the grid? No, of course not, because LL assumes those actions are all taken by consending adults and it’s a simulated world after all. So let’s be consequent and just say to those avies ‘get a room’.
The report that caused all this: (and subs for it you can find here)