Desire is never political correct: Second Life’s succes?
October 29, 2007 7:32 amListening to the ‘Elle & Lui’ program on PureFM on Friday, there was an interesting interview on relationships, desire, eroticism and all the like. I tuned in when the interview was mid-way, so I don’t know who was interviewed and for what reason, but the lady had some interesting things to say:
Is Desire ever ‘political correct’?
The interviewer wondered if Desire can ever be ‘political correct’. No, desire will always be far from that, as it - always - in one way or another revolves around power and that power being unevenly divided. The lady that was interviewed stated that Desire and Eroticism is playing/flirting with that difference in power. Be power defined as physical might, buying force or mental power.
Most relationships are political correct boring
The last 50 years, a lot has changed as it comes to the Western look on relationships: both partners are to be equal in those with the same rights, tasks, involvement, … . We are supposed to known the other completely, keep no secrets, spend the same amount of time on the relationship, give as much as we take or take as much as we give and - above all - not expose the partner to unexpected surprises. When finally reached that balance we are dead scared to disturb that balance or ruin the image the other has of us. Now, the lady was speaking about love relationships, but I think this goes for most friendship relationships too.
But the final result? Slash End Desire.
Now I’m not pleading for throwing aboard every legislation and first life community guideline on relationships and replacing it by Gorean Law, but I must admit I’ve often seen problems arise in relationships around me* just because that somewhat artificial balance.
Second Life relationships are unbalanced
So when hearing all that, I couldn’t help but think of the political incorrectness of Second Life relationships. If we take a look at the SLescort business we’ll see more advertisement of role play and the like than I’ve ever seen advertised on the pr0nnet world wide web or at a RLD. Nurse/patient, schoolgirl/teacher, the rape stuff, … What are they all but a master and slave relationship, a play of power or force?
Take the BDSM scene in Second Life. I think it is one of the biggest there is, with amazing amounts of Linden Dollars being spend on collars, leaches, appropriate clothing and poses and yes… torture equipment. I won’t believe first life BDSM scene is just as big and I just did not notice. The amount of people experimenting with this in Second Life far exceeds the amount of people taking up a leash in real life. And no, neither do I believe those all fail to get laid in real life. Just that it’s more easy to experiment in Second Life, that the anonymity or the +1k amount of kilometres between both partners makes it less scary - and even less real. Ow, that and they do not - or less - need to fear to screw up the real life relationship.
Even partnered on file relationships in Second Life seem to be more ‘unbalanced’. Only to often one partner pays the house/land the persons are living on, the expenses, the clothing, … and the other partner does not even has payment info on file. If decisions between those couples are based on mutual agreement or not: well, that I would not know. =) Should we see those Second Life relationships as an elite form of the Slescort business or just as a relationship that has to live up to other standards than our real life ones?
But from whatever side you look at this coin, I must conclude that this ‘political incorrectness’ must have somehow added to the success that Second Life - imho - still is. People fear to fuck up their real life relationships by experimenting, so turn to Second Life. I do wonder what needs to change then: our evil virtual world full of sin, or the way we threat our real life relationships? :mrgreen:
* Really, it’s more easy to look at relationships around you, than even attempting at starting to analyse your own past ones. =d
10 Responses to “Desire is never political correct: Second Life’s succes?”
no comments yet? well, I guess that most have that much to say about this topic that instead of posting some comment lines, they started writing a book…
*laughs about Veroniques words*, no not writing a book, not even a blogpost about it ;-)
But there is one line that was lingering in my mind since I’ve read it:
“Should we see those Second Life relationships as an elite form of the Slescort business or just as a relationship that has to live up to other standards than our real life ones”
The first part implies that a relationship is based on sex. My first SL-relationship was without sex, and it definitely was a seriious relation. I think a relationship, SL or RL, should be based on love, understanding, trust, which grows after the first wonderful feeling that you’ve known each other for much longer than you do.
In this respect (my) relations in SL and RL don’t differ. The balance in a relationship is of a mental, emotional kind, and not depending on the way you share property.
Yes, it should be based on that. But without the SLex part, I count it as ‘friendship’. =) As for the sharing property, what about sharing responsabilities, time, … ?
*stops writing her book and screams: Stop adding new topics to this!
I’m sorry, Dandellion: here I go again ;-)
My first relationship was definitely more than a friendship, even without the SLex. I don’t have butterflies in my stomache when I meet “a” friend, nor do I have the urge to be with him the whole day (*nods* sharing time is inherent to a relationship) The butterflies have gone after a while, but he’s still a very good friend of me, as you can read in Timothy’s blog (yes, it was this cute fellow blogger)
*BLUSHES*
Well, I can only second that. A SL relationship without SLex is possible and a very nice experience that is way more than “just” a friendship.
Hey brother, don’t blush like that: I’ve asked you permission before writing that comment :P
Thank you for sharing, Zippora. Although, I still have a hard time agreeing. How would you define a relationship? Besides butterflies and sharing time? My human had the butterflies and shared time with some persons during her life time. If there was no physical interaction though, she did not call it a relationship. I still think the same goes for SL?
*Looks desperately at Timothy* Help, she doesn’t get it! ;-)
“If there was no physical interaction though, she did not call it a relationship. I still think the same goes for SL?”
I understand what you say about your human’s experiences, and it hasn’t been different in my first life. Though I think it is even in first life possible to have a relation without (intimate) physical interaction. And on that point SL isn’t different.
You could compare it with the relationships (young) adolescents have in first life - particularly because Tim and I were quite “young” indeed at the time. We were quite shy and overwhelmed by the feelings that got hold of us, and it felt like a relationship from the moment we shared this with each other.
And btw, I didn’t say there was no physical interaction at all, only never more than a hug and a shy kiss ;-)
There was something else bothering me too at that time. I had once SLex before Timothy came in. It was funny and exciting, but not more than that. But now, with the strong feelings I had for Tim, the idea of having sex with him felt like cheating my FL-partner. That was enough reason for me to keep back in those days.
If I look back now, I’ve evolved from a shy adolescent to a mature woman in SL. I still subscribe the point of view about the cheating, but it doesn’t stop me anymore *blush*.
Anyway, I still think I would be able to have a relationship without any sex too, in both my first or second life (but luckily I’m blessed with the physical part for both atm ;-) )
You could compare it with the relationships (young) adolescents have in first life - particularly because Tim and I were quite “young” indeed at the time.
Ok, that does make sence. But still… I sort of fail to understand. (And it isn’t because you didn’t do your best explaining it to me. Maybe I’m a bit to conservative, or compairing to FL to much. =))
I still subscribe the point of view about the cheating, but it doesn’t stop me anymore *blush*.
*grins*
Care to comment?