SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Last night, Secret Service and FBI agents raided the headquarters of Second Life, seizing all Lindens. Second Life is a sophisticated social-networking tool, better known as a massive, multi-player, online virtual world.
U.S. Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson weighed in, by talking about the ramifications of virtual world currencies possibly surpassing and replacing the U.S. Dollar.
“From our charts, we can see that the U.S. Dollar is falling against the Linden. If too many people become engrossed with virtual world economies, we could see a downward spiral for the Dollar. Eventually, there could be a situation in which people trade the Dollar for virtual currencies. This could create a trade deficit of sorts between real world goods and virtual world goods, causing our entire economy to get sucked up into a virtual world. Americans could end up standing in virtual bread lines, and living out on virtual streets, facing virtual poverty, in a virtual recession.” said Secretary Paulson.
“How freaky to think about the possibily that a virtual currency could replace the U.S. Dollar,” said GOP strategist, Emma Faye Kerr. Ms. Kerr continued, “If that ever happened, the entire economy would be replaced by a sort of virtual economy, where everybody, including the government, loses connection with the reality-based world. Thank God we have a President that is still in touch with reality, who has decided to take action against the threat of virtual worlds replacing the real world.“
I fear the Linden Employees being send to Guatamala bay, as the terrorist they are. And then the glorious leader might decide forcing them to developed a government controlled virtual world, which can be put on top of Google maps. Border control will be easier there, the handing out of Green Cards can then be an completely electronic process in cooperation with the spammers, and Halliburton would get the contract for age verification. On top of that the USA could continue to live it’s dream of world domination as soldiers can easily create alts to serve on multiple continents at the same time and battle damage brings you back to your home sim safely in stead of a in body bag.
The FBI representative talked about the possibilities and safeties this will guarantee the USA’s economy: “Imagine virtual health care for those who can not afford it in First Life! A dental program? Who needs one, when teeth are included with a new skin. Imagine a virtual democratic process that makes people truly believe they and not the lobbying groups influence politics!”
When asked about Professor Vint’s concerns if this would be the final stab in the back for USA teens and young adolescent’s knowledge of English spelling and grammar, Mr. Undercover Linden stated: “All your base are now belong to us.”